Expectations

Expectations can be a bitch. And no matter how hard you try not to expect, you always end up expecting nevertheless.

I don't really know what I was expecting for Mother's Day but I know I was expecting something. And I know I was somewhat disappointed with what happened on that day.

First off, my hubby went out of town the night before for a friend's birthday. Because of mix-ups and misunderstandings, I got left behind. I guess after the initial wave of disappointment, I wasn't too upset at the prospect of some 'me' time at home. But then he got home late the next day. He was supposed to be back by lunch time. This would have been ok. We would have had the afternoon to do some things together. However, he got home at 6pm leaving no time to do anything normal. Meaning, for the leftover time of the day, we would have had to go to dinner or a bar and that was a bit out of budget. Plus, because the trip back was so long and bumpy, he was exhausted when he got home. So exhausted in fact that he was literally falling asleep on the couch the first hour he was back. And so what I got was a breathless "Happy Mother's Day" when he arrived, and a whispered "Happy Mother's Day" before he drifted off to sleep.

On a positive note though, my nieces-in-law made a special mom's day dinner and my son gave me a tiny flower which he picked from one of the plants in our garden. Thank goodness for simple pleasures....and food.

So, I am making a promise to myself not to expect anything for my birthday so I don't end up getting disappointed if i don't get what I want. Wish me luck!!

Mother's Day Musing

I was thinking about Mother's Day a few days ago. I was taken back to some questions I posed in my first post. I still wonder what makes a good mom. As the day for moms approaches, I can't help but ask myself if I've been a good mom so far. Now, I know this is not something one measures in days or weeks or months but I took stock of the past 6 months anyway, just to see if I was doing at least some things right.

And the answer is.......I have no bloody idea. I do know though that I feel like a good mom for the reasons below:

I know I love my kids the best way I can, every minute I am with them and every minute I am not. I can't imagine a world where my kids are not in it or a thought that isn't somehow connected to them. I worry constantly about their health, development, and happiness and about how they are feeling when I can't hold them, or play with them, or just be with them. I wish so hard for more hours in a day just so I have more time to spend with them. I take pride in their milestones, no matter how inconsequential they may seem to many. I show them off every chance I get. And I work everyday to make sure that I can give them the best that I can manage. And when that isn't enough, I can swallow the worst bile in the world to get them more. I would walk through hell and back if they needed me to.

This makes me feel like a good mom, at least. I hope I am right.