For My Kids

I was watching "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" and I line struck me (as I am sure it struck all parents out there).

"For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.”

For you my big boy and pretty girl. I love you.

Surprises

It's amazing how fast kids grow, how they can share so many common traits, how they can look so much alike and also be so different, how they acquire their tastes, likes and dislikes, their personality.

I've had 5 years of motherhood so far and I have to say that I am surprised by something new every week. My son loves anything sweet. He adores it. But my daughter goes for a more mature taste, like vanilla ice cream over very, very chocolate. Now how did that happen? They both eat the same food, live in the same house, have the same mommy. And this mommy doesn't even like ice cream! My son is a super extrovert and my daughter is more of the shy type. But my goodness! You wouldn't know this when they argue. I can list all the surprising little tidbits here but I don't think there is enough space or time in a day.

Suffice it to say, I am loving surprises and eagerly awaiting the millions I know are still coming my way.

I'm Back!

Hello, world!

After a brief hiatus, I am back to the blogging world.

It ahs been a long year and a difficult one. I've gone through so much but I'm raring to enter this new chapter in my life with both eyes open and a heart full of hope.

I know I said I was opening a new blog but I found myself constantly returning to this one. So, after accepting that I cannot leave my beloved first blog, Ive decided to resume.

I'll be posting new experieinces, thoughts, recipes, and stories soon! Stay with me folks!

Vicki

Goodbye

I've decided to close this blog and open a new one. A fresh start. Hope to see you all there!

Mid-Month post and Moving On post

Funny how my 1st July post is about my last day at work. I could write paragraphs and paragraphs about it all but the best way to describe how I fell right now is through these lyrics:

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

I think I can make it now, the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is the rainbow I’ve been praying for
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

Look all around, there’s nothing but blue skies
Look straight ahead, nothing but blue skies

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.


Although this is the first time I have left a job without a safety net...ever, I don't regret the decision. I am slightly afraid about the future but a friend told me not too long ago to be happy and not to worry too much bout the tomorrows lest I forget to enjoy today. SO that's what I am doing.

Numi's Tag about Home

This is a super delayed tag from Numi. In fact, I only remembered it when I checked Livi's blog a few minutes ago. So am taking my cue from Livi and I am going to list down things we always have at home.

1. Chicken and soup- 2 food groups the kids are SURE to eat.
2. Drinking water- we don't have soft drinks at home so this is a must.
3. Cleaning implements- I am obsessed with this. I know, this is not healthy.
4. Spices- the best thing to have when you are stuck in a rut as to what to cook.
5. Cigarettes- these are always in the Master's bedroom or in my bag. I have a few vices, I know.
6. Alcohol and hand sanitizer- speaks for itself.
7. Toys and all things kid-related- a must.
8. Rice- this probably should have been listed as # 2 but it just came to mind now.

pretty decent list, huh?

Decisions, Decisions

Funny how the universe works. Since last year, I've been trying to be conscious of the messages of the universe. I've been trying to learn the lesson lest the test be given again. I though, work-wise, I had gotten it. Lately though, I am thinking I probably haven't. So I've come to a decision. A major one for me. I think I'm going to cut back on work hours, try to come up with a business instead of going to an office, and spend more time at home, with the kids, and the hubby, an myself. At least for a while. This was a tough decision to come to. Anyone who knows me well would understand. But I am thinking that maybe this is the way to go for now. Maybe the reason I've been encountering only roadblocks is because I chose the wrong road. I am nt sure how this will play out. It's different from any course I've ever considered. But I am hoping for new, better, good changes. So I'm struggling to the finish line (for this period of my life anyway), counting the minutes and the seconds before I am "free". Wish me luck all!

We've Come a Long Way

At least this result is better than the last quiz!

Both of You Wear the Pants

You and your guy seem to have stuck the perfect power balance. It's not that you don't disagree - it's just that you've learned how to compromise well. You're both mature enough to know that you can't always get your way... And usually, you're both adult enough to reach an agreement - even if that sometimes means giving in a little.

Who Wears the Pants... You or Your Guy?

I'm in Trouble

You Are 36% Likely to Survive Another Great Depression

Your habits are pretty on par with the average person. Unfortunately, this means your chances aren't good in another Great Depression. Start saving your money now. Living in debt isn't doing you any favors. Also figure out how to live a little more cheaply. Every little bit you can trim will help.

Could You Survive Another Great Depression?

Darn it! And I thought I was doing so well!

Rain or Snow?

You Are Rain

You are dark and dramatic. You tend to be a bit over the top. You have strong emotions and they can change quickly. You are tempestuous. You are wild and unpredictable. You tend to overwhelm and surprise people. While you are aggressive, you are also a homebody. You don't really care for physical activities.

Are You Rain or Snow?

I like both...but this result is interesting.

Running on Fumes

I've been hesitant about writing a work-related post of late because I don't want to appear like the whinny, ungrateful type. But I think I am fast-approaching the tip of my patience iceberg.
I've said many times that I am up for the challenge of an operations position. It's been something I've always wanted to do, to get some experience in, to learn from. But I think the saying "be careful what you wish for" could not be more apt to my situation right now.
My account is a production account. When I first heard that I thought, OK, numbers. But I never dreamed it would be the white collar equivalent to a blue collar job. I can count the weeks since March when I didn't render more than 1 hour overtime. I don't mind but almost every week for almost 4 months now? I think it's too much. I rarely get to see my kids because I get home super tired and wake up late, just in time to go to work. Half of the weekend is spent recovering from the exhausting week. I've tried to comfort myself by saying that's the way it is with an operations start-up account, but almost everyone I've asked has said this is abnormal and too much. I am stretched. And even if it isn't because of disillusionment, lack of appreciation, being maligned, it is still exhausting and I am getting fed up.
Will I ever find a job I can love? I don't expect perfection, just a balance of work fulfillment and a personal life. Is that too much to ask for?

30 Doesn't Feel Any Different

I've thought about turning 30 for a good 5 years now. As the day fast approached, I found myself constantly torn over the excitement of starting a new decade, hopefully, wiser, and fear over getting old. Somehow, my childhood dreams and fantasies never extended past my 20's. So, I think it's understandable that as my 30th birthday fast approached, I was filled with this feeling of not know what to do, how to react, and what to expect. My friend, Kaye, told me that the 30's is so much better than the 20's. You know more, you've seen more, you have a better idea of who you are and what you want. Great! Except I wasn't sure that I knew more, had seen enough, or that I knew myself and what I wanted. I knew that the beginning of this year marked the beginning of a new journey of self-discovery. But I felt 5 months wasn't enough to have even a glimmer of a sure thought about myself. Suffice it to say, I was scared.

3 days after turning the big 3-0 and...nothing feels different. There are some things I expect and can foresee. I expect that my metabolism will slow down even further (especially since I haven't gotten my exercise regimen back and since I almost always skip breakfast). I foresee that my years to complete my MA and PhD are numbered. I know that I have to get my career on track. I am certain I love my husband and kids above anything (OK, the same amount as God?). That's it. I have to say the expression "Houston, we're in trouble" popped into my head almost immediately after typing these last words. Ha!

Well, at the risk of sounding like Oprah (I am definitely not her although I often wish I were), there are some more things I find I know for sure. I know for sure that I am excited to find out what this decade has in store for me. Excited to get back into shape, to go places at work and outside, to be young and beautiful inside and out, and to be the best wife and mom I can be. It doesn't sound like much but I actually think it's quite a lot. Relief, I tell you. I am not lost after all. I can smile now. Isn't that a great way to start the decade? Happy Birthday to me!!

Does Anyone Know a Good Shrink?

There's a 61% Chance That You Need Therapy

You almost certainly need therapy. And there's nothing wrong with that. Lately life has not been easy for you. Why not let a therapist help you sort things out?

Do You Need Therapy?

Somehow I had a feeling the result would be like this. I don't think I am surprised. I am not sure if I should be worried though. Hmm...

I Thought So!

You Are 64% Open Minded

You are a very open minded person, but you're also well grounded. Tolerant and flexible, you appreciate most lifestyles and viewpoints. But you also know where you stand firm, and you can draw that line. You're open to considering every possibility - but in the end, you stand true to yourself.

How Open Minded Are You?

Interesting Question...

...so I thought I would take the quiz and, perhaps, gain some insight.

You Need Friends to Be Happy

You are a friendly, social person. You seek out connections and relationships. Being close to others is very important to you, and you don't like discord. You feel great when you're cooperating and working with others. You enjoy belonging to a group. Nothing makes you feel worse that feeling alone or alienated. You want to be liked by those around you.

What Do You Need to Be Happy?

I am not sure I agree with the result. For those who know me personally, what do you think?

Belated Greetings to all Moms!

Because I haven't had steady Internet access this month, this greeting is coming quite late. Nevertheless, it comes from the heart.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL MOMS!

I Can Feel It...

...the moment when I have to choose between one or the other role I play is fast approaching. Which should I choose? And, more importantly, what should I remembrance to include when negotiating for that change?

Another Job Update

I haven't been able to blog for a loing time!! I've been really busy. I guess this is better than being really bored. Things have been 50/50 at work. Ok, more 60/40. I got some good news from the client last week. It looks like they might want me to focus on training and doing some alley big things for them. This is great since I prefer that part of my job. I'll miss my team of course. The operations aspect is also good training ground so that I will miss as well. I would really like to focus on training though. It's a lot more fun. It hasn't been confirmed but I am keeping my fingers crossed. I'll let you all know!

The Darling Buds of May

I should be enjoying this month. I like to think of it as 'MY' month- since it's my birth month. The past years, I would create any excuse to lengthen my birthday celebration. From extending a day to a week to include a weekend celebration, to just saying that the whole month was mine. Suffice it so say, I love to love May.
This year, though, I was a bit anxious about May. Considering it's been quite a tumultuous first quarter, I wasn't sure how I would feel or what mood I would be in come the first day of May. Well, I know now.
I'm kind of tired. Operations is challenging but also a bit boring. There is frustration that comes with dealing with people who have mostly their numbers and point of view only in sight. There is also a certain sense of powerlessness, a lack of control over your time, the amount of effort you put in, and your say in general, even in middle management. At the end of the day, it is about following the higher-ups. And until I am one of those higher-ups, my operations life will be a form of endless dictation, hours, and running to meet expectations. I am not sure if all operations experiences is like this. This is my first time to hold this kind of position after all. But, from what I gathered through informal conversations with friends who have been doing this kind of work for a while, well, this is it.
So, I am again leaning more towards the training aspect of my job. I've discovered that the learning, the interaction, the positivity are all more appealing and more satisfying to me than managing a team of people. I am also hoping that, in time, through effort and passion, I will be able to manage a team again but a team of trainers. I am seriously thinking about how to make this a reality now or in the near future.
Today is the 1st of May, Labor Day. I have a long work day tonight. I have a heavy load to manage and complete before the weekend. Next week, the clients and board of directors are going to be here to observe and decide if we are doing a good job and if they will keep their business with us. I am not liking the beginning of May much, at this point. But I am hopeful things will start to look up soon.

Stuck Between A Rock and A Hard Place

There are times when logic ad emotion really war with each other and this is one of those times for me.
Background: For the past 2.5-3 weeks, we have been given way more work that our capacity. And this is not a measly 20% spillage. Try 93% over! So, understandably, my new Olivia, myself, and the other TL were very upset. This meant extended hours for the whole team, and hours exceeding 3 past log out time, everyday. The team was tired and reaching burn out- so close from the live date. So, my new Olivia brought it up with management and was told, in a nutshell, to handle stress better.
Now: I will be having a meeting with the team and the OM in a couple of hours and I'm stuck in a rut. One side of me really doesn't like what has been happening. That side of me constantly screams, if you let them do it to you once, they will keep doing it to you. If you show them you can do more than what you can actually do, regardless if this is a one-time thing, they will assume that this is the norm. Past experiences taught me this. The other side of me was screaming, CALM DOWN. Remember logic and reason always work best. From past experiences again, no one likes an emotional, angry outburst in a meeting.
Dilemma: My new Olivia wants me to be adamant and exuberant about my feelings and opinions during the meeting. To her, this is showing them that she wasn't over-reacting. Anything short of this would be "folding". But, I don't want to be this person. In private conversations, sure. That's why they're expressed there- because they are private. But not to the rest of the management team. I think it's bad form. So, how to strike a balance between showing my new Olivia that I do agree with her about what has been happening, at the same time, not alienate the OM and the rest of upper management?

Waaaah! My politicking skills are really bad at that! Keep your fingers crossed for me, y'all! Will update soon.