Signposts

I was out with the hubby last night in Tiendesitas, winding down for the day over beer (for him) and coffee (for me), and we got to talking about careers. I told him how, when I was much younger, my favorite movies were Working Girl (with Harrison Ford, Melanie Griffith, and Sigourney Weaver) and Baby Boom (with Diane Keaton). For those who are not familiar with these movies, they share one theme: women who become high-powered corporate big shots, with careers they love and work hard for, on their terms. I recall in the last scene of Working Girl, Melanie Griffith sitting down and relishing her new, big, corner office in a multi-national company. I also remember thinking to myself that one day that would be me. Fast forward to today and that is the farthest picture from my reality. So I asked my hubby if, somewhere down the road, I missed a sign or a turn to that corner office. It's not that I don't like my job. In fact, my job works well with my personal life at the moment. It's just that I'd always wanted that corner office. I still do. And these days, it feels like I am just getting further and further away from it.
The conversation turned to other people and their fast-paced careers and I told him that what I observed from these people was the sole, focused drive to reach that goal, sacrificing a lot on the way there. I realized that I might have gotten to that office faster if I had been more willing to do away with even just half of my concerns. The biggest concern is, of course, my kids. Enter, mommy guilt. I told him that I had decided that I wanted to spend as much time with them as I could and that I didn't think that the sacrifice of that time was worth it. Not surprisingly, he told me to focus on my career and not to worry about the kids. I will always be their mom, he said, and they would understand when they are older, why I needed to spend some time away from them. He said that I needed to do this for myself if a career was what I really wanted.
I don't know. I don't know today any more than I knew last night. I am stuck. I want the office and the kids. The quintessential "everything" a woman supposedly cannot have. What do I do?
If there were or are signposts, I hope they show themselves with bright neon lettering. Because I need some help, and the clock is ticking.