The Darling Buds of May

I should be enjoying this month. I like to think of it as 'MY' month- since it's my birth month. The past years, I would create any excuse to lengthen my birthday celebration. From extending a day to a week to include a weekend celebration, to just saying that the whole month was mine. Suffice it so say, I love to love May.
This year, though, I was a bit anxious about May. Considering it's been quite a tumultuous first quarter, I wasn't sure how I would feel or what mood I would be in come the first day of May. Well, I know now.
I'm kind of tired. Operations is challenging but also a bit boring. There is frustration that comes with dealing with people who have mostly their numbers and point of view only in sight. There is also a certain sense of powerlessness, a lack of control over your time, the amount of effort you put in, and your say in general, even in middle management. At the end of the day, it is about following the higher-ups. And until I am one of those higher-ups, my operations life will be a form of endless dictation, hours, and running to meet expectations. I am not sure if all operations experiences is like this. This is my first time to hold this kind of position after all. But, from what I gathered through informal conversations with friends who have been doing this kind of work for a while, well, this is it.
So, I am again leaning more towards the training aspect of my job. I've discovered that the learning, the interaction, the positivity are all more appealing and more satisfying to me than managing a team of people. I am also hoping that, in time, through effort and passion, I will be able to manage a team again but a team of trainers. I am seriously thinking about how to make this a reality now or in the near future.
Today is the 1st of May, Labor Day. I have a long work day tonight. I have a heavy load to manage and complete before the weekend. Next week, the clients and board of directors are going to be here to observe and decide if we are doing a good job and if they will keep their business with us. I am not liking the beginning of May much, at this point. But I am hopeful things will start to look up soon.