Tuesday, June 2, 2009

30 Doesn't Feel Any Different

I've thought about turning 30 for a good 5 years now. As the day fast approached, I found myself constantly torn over the excitement of starting a new decade, hopefully, wiser, and fear over getting old. Somehow, my childhood dreams and fantasies never extended past my 20's. So, I think it's understandable that as my 30th birthday fast approached, I was filled with this feeling of not know what to do, how to react, and what to expect. My friend, Kaye, told me that the 30's is so much better than the 20's. You know more, you've seen more, you have a better idea of who you are and what you want. Great! Except I wasn't sure that I knew more, had seen enough, or that I knew myself and what I wanted. I knew that the beginning of this year marked the beginning of a new journey of self-discovery. But I felt 5 months wasn't enough to have even a glimmer of a sure thought about myself. Suffice it to say, I was scared.

3 days after turning the big 3-0 and...nothing feels different. There are some things I expect and can foresee. I expect that my metabolism will slow down even further (especially since I haven't gotten my exercise regimen back and since I almost always skip breakfast). I foresee that my years to complete my MA and PhD are numbered. I know that I have to get my career on track. I am certain I love my husband and kids above anything (OK, the same amount as God?). That's it. I have to say the expression "Houston, we're in trouble" popped into my head almost immediately after typing these last words. Ha!

Well, at the risk of sounding like Oprah (I am definitely not her although I often wish I were), there are some more things I find I know for sure. I know for sure that I am excited to find out what this decade has in store for me. Excited to get back into shape, to go places at work and outside, to be young and beautiful inside and out, and to be the best wife and mom I can be. It doesn't sound like much but I actually think it's quite a lot. Relief, I tell you. I am not lost after all. I can smile now. Isn't that a great way to start the decade? Happy Birthday to me!!

8 comments:

ceemee said...

Happy birthday!

Don't worry, God will lead us where we're meant to be.

Numi said...

Welcome to the big 3-0 Vicki! And yes, there really does not seem to be anything different about it. I do have this song (country!) about this year, though. It's called My Next Thirty Years by Tim McGraw. You might want to check it out :P

dreamwalker said...

Tagged ya Vicki! Hope you're having a great vacation!

Mai da Paypay said...

i miss you vicki! belated happy birthday!

and here's to you and your goals! may they all come true :)

suZen said...

Yes, Happy Birthday to you! 30's ARE great - the only decade I'd repeat in a heartbeat! Altho actually, 40 was pretty good too. You're bound to feel SO smart by then - and you will be!!! Enjoy it ALL!

CJ Villarama said...

Yeah, Happy Birthday Vicki! How was it? In two months, I will be joining the club too. What's silly was I tried to ignore it, though I know it wouldn't really go away now, would it? I'm glad too see your rant about the same feelings I've been trying to repress, it reminded me of the event that's due. Should I make plans for it, you think? I guess, whether I'm ready or not, its time to leave the 20-something ideals and face the real life huh. Alright, now, here I come....

vicki said...

@ceemee..thanks!
@numi...I have to look for that song. If you have it, can I copy?
@mai...cheers to that!!
@suzen...I'll do my best to enjoy it. And I hope you're right!
@CJ...Advanced Happy Bday mimacs!! Do you have a blog? I'm happy you have an FB account at least.

CJ Villarama said...

I know, right? FB, yeah, Im glad too. Finally! but BLOG? nop. Dunno if I have that much time to update and what not. In between the babies, the hubs and my NIGHT schedule @ work. I dunno. I guess I'm good with this for now, occasional online tinkering.