Monday, April 21, 2008

Alone Again(?) or At Last (?)

The big move was 2 days ago. My husband, kids, and I are now officially on our own, literally. The house feels strange. It feels quiet and calm, which it hasn't been for a while. And, at the same time, it feels empty. I'm surprised considering this was something I've been wanting for so long. Now that it is here, it feels different than what I expected. I don't think what I am feeling now is necessarily a bad thing. After all, if you spend a significant amount of time with people you love, you are bound to feel some emptiness when they go, regardless of whether you wanted them to go or not. It just feels strange. I don't have regrets. On that topic, I mostly have sadness at the manner from which the departure came. But there is no time to dwell on sadness, I suppose. I am admittedly a bit intimidated by the vastness of the independence we now have. There is a lot of room now but none for excuses. Now, the canvas really is blank and ready for a painting to be created. And now, full focus has to go into making that creation beautiful, or at least something real, and made out of love. This part is the exciting and scary part. I am praying the transition is into a new, better, real family life.

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