Stuck Between A Rock and A Hard Place

There are times when logic ad emotion really war with each other and this is one of those times for me.
Background: For the past 2.5-3 weeks, we have been given way more work that our capacity. And this is not a measly 20% spillage. Try 93% over! So, understandably, my new Olivia, myself, and the other TL were very upset. This meant extended hours for the whole team, and hours exceeding 3 past log out time, everyday. The team was tired and reaching burn out- so close from the live date. So, my new Olivia brought it up with management and was told, in a nutshell, to handle stress better.
Now: I will be having a meeting with the team and the OM in a couple of hours and I'm stuck in a rut. One side of me really doesn't like what has been happening. That side of me constantly screams, if you let them do it to you once, they will keep doing it to you. If you show them you can do more than what you can actually do, regardless if this is a one-time thing, they will assume that this is the norm. Past experiences taught me this. The other side of me was screaming, CALM DOWN. Remember logic and reason always work best. From past experiences again, no one likes an emotional, angry outburst in a meeting.
Dilemma: My new Olivia wants me to be adamant and exuberant about my feelings and opinions during the meeting. To her, this is showing them that she wasn't over-reacting. Anything short of this would be "folding". But, I don't want to be this person. In private conversations, sure. That's why they're expressed there- because they are private. But not to the rest of the management team. I think it's bad form. So, how to strike a balance between showing my new Olivia that I do agree with her about what has been happening, at the same time, not alienate the OM and the rest of upper management?

Waaaah! My politicking skills are really bad at that! Keep your fingers crossed for me, y'all! Will update soon.

You Can't Have It All

Remember me raving about how fulfilled I was with my new job. Well, that remains so in some parts but in others...these parts leave much to be desired, to say the least. This has cemented my belief in the saying "you can't have it all." This is true. But, at the same time as suffering through the slip side of an otherwise great coin, I have also come to realize that I do like training so much more than other areas of production. Does this mean that that area is my specific calling? i don't know. I still think I need some polishing in that respect but I am excited about the prospect of a new training course I am giving in a couple of weeks. I am excited about this more than my daily tasks, to be quite honest. So I guess the next and natural step would be to look for something in the line of training, coaching, and communication. Funny how things work out and what you realize as life progresses.

I am hoping the operations side of my job will improve. If not, well, 10 more months. Keep your fingers crossed for me guys.

Stick Family

Make your Stick Figure Family at FreeFlashToys.com

I got this from Livi's blog and thought it was cute.

Barack Really Rocks!

As I was reading President Obama's statement on Taxes online I was almost brought to tears. I can say that the only thing that held the dam in was the realization that I am not American and so I will not be enjoying the fruits of these promises. Here are some excerpts that struck me:

This tax cut also keeps a fundamental promise: that Americans who work hard should be able to make a decent living. It lifts more than 2 million Americans out of poverty. And together with the child tax credit, it ensures that a working parent will be able to support their family.

Fourth, we are helping more Americans purchase homes that they can afford. Just as we must put an end to the irresponsible lending and borrowing that created the housing bubble, we must restore the home as a source of stability and an anchor of the American Dream. That's why we're providing a tax credit of up to $8,000 for first-time home buyers, which will put a home within reach for hardworking Americans who are playing by the rules and making responsible choices. And by the way, there are at least a couple of folks here who have already used that $8,000 credit, and I think it's wonderful to see that this is already prompting some willingness for people to go ahead and make that first-time purchase where they thought maybe it was out of reach before.

Fifth, we know that tax relief must be joined with fiscal discipline. Americans are making hard choices in their budgets, and we've got to tighten our belts in Washington, as well. And that's why we've already identified $2 trillion in deficit reductions over the next decade. And that's why we're cutting programs that don't work, contracts that aren't fair, and spending that we don't need.

For too long, we've seen taxes used as a wedge to scare people into supporting policies that actually increased the burden on working people instead of helping them live their dreams. That has to change, and that's the work that we've begun. We've passed tax cuts that will help our economy grow. We've made a clear promise that families that earn less than $250,000 a year will not see their taxes increase by a single dime. And we have kept to those promises that were made during the campaign. We've given tax relief to the Americans who need it and the workers who have earned it. And we're helping more Americans move towards their American Dream by going to school, owning a home, keeping their business and raising their family.

God, what must we do to have a President like Obama, who not only promises but sees thse promises through, who is eloquent and inspirational, realistic and idealistic, empathetic and strong? Who is not corrupt, obsessed with hoarding wealth and power, who puts everyone else last. Dammit! Every working Filipino knows the weight of taxes taken every month. And, I am fairly ceratin, most grumble about where these amounts are going. No wonder we are seeing a renewed wave of desire from yuppies, fresh grads, and college students to migrate to other countries. What will it take? When will it happen? Sigh.

For Obama's entire statement, click here.

I Want to Dance

As I was listening to my mp4 player while working, I came across a song I've loved for a few years now. Some American Idol auditions included this song. Affie even wrote about it in her blog. I think it's very underrated. The title is "I Hope You Dance" by Lee Ann Womack. Anyway, listening to it again after a while brought back all the old feelings of wanting to chuck it all in and just do the things I REALLY want to do (that don't earn for s*@!) and not think about all my responsibilities. For a minute I felt these feelings all again. And in that moment I envied Affie and her courage. Leaving stability and what people say is the right way to go job-wise took a lot of guts. And the thing I admire most is her strength to just followher dream without looking back. I wonder when I will, if I ever will, have the guts to do that.

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
But they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake
But it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart
Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out
Reconsider
Give the heavens above
More than just a passing glance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance

I want to dance, too.

Job Update

We're well into doing 100% production in my team now. I must say, it's harder in reality than it looks on paper. I don't know if I am doing a good job managing. I don't have too much experience with this. Plus, I've believed for a while now that I am not that great with people. So it's a real change for me. So far, my team seem to be enjoying themselves despite the load. There are always ready smiles and stories to share over ciggie break. I hope this keeps up. I must say the training aspect of my job is easier. Perhaps it's because I've had more experience with that. I have to remember everything I learned from my previous company! Lessons learned must always be kept and used. Universe, oh universe. Funnily enough, as a little side note, I thought I would veer away from jobs that had me doing a whole lot- some of this from scratch even, without much organization, with little support and little leeway. I did stumble on something with more support, a lot more leeway, certainly a lot more trust and belief in my abilities, but still with that lack of organization and doing things from scratch. Funny indeed. What was it about being attracted to certain things? Hmmm.. something to think about again.

Thoughts Before Easter

Live A Life That Matters

Ready or not, someday it will come to an end.

There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days.

All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else.

Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance.

It will not matter what you owned, or what you were owed.

Your grudges, resentments, frustrations, and jealousies will disappear.

So, too, your hopes, ambitions, plans, and to-do lists will expire.

The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.

It won’t matter where you came from, or what side of the tracks you lived, at the end.

It won’t matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant;

Even your gender or your skin color will be irrelevant.

So what will matter?

How will the value of your days be measured?

What will matter is not what you bought, but what you built;

Not what you got, but what you gave.

What will matter is not your success but your significance.

What will matter is not what you learned, but what you taught.

What will matter is your every act of integrity, compassion, courage, or sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others — to emulate your example.

What will matter is not your competence, but your character.

What will matter is not how many people you knew,

But how many people will feel a lasting loss when you’re gone.

What will matter is not your memories,

But the memories that live in those who loved you.

What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom, and for what.

Living a life that matters doesn’t happen by accident.

It’s not a matter of circumstance, but of choice.

Choose to live a life that matters.

I got this from a Yahoo news article. Some things to ponder on this Lenten season. And at all times, I guess.

A Little Bubble

Mommy guilt has plagued me since the birth of my first child. Anyone who's ever had more than a 5-minute chat with me about work and my kids knows this. But I have managed to get it under control quite a bit, especially since leaving my last job. I think it was the month off that I got to spend with my kids that left me feeling less guilty about the time I had taken away from them for work. Lately though, I've been feeling the guilt start to heat up again, creating little bubbles as if soup coming to a boil. I am trying to place where the source of the heat is coming from. I haven't found it. I am not dissatisfied with my job, not unhappy, and stress-wise, not as stressed as I had been in my previous job. So this recurring feeling really puzzles me. I know though, no matter what the situation, I will always have that niggling feeling in the pit of my stomach that ends with a whispered prayer of hope that my kids will, someday, understand the hours away and the work.

Anyway, whether or not I find the source of these bubbles remains to be seen. I am hoping it is not yet another hidden lesson I am supposed to learn. Sending out positive vibes to the Universe here.

Shoulds from Livi's Blog

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…

enough money within her control to move out,
rent a place of her own,
even if she never wants to or needs to… –> this was always my orientation, but it didn't quite turn out that way.

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …
something perfect to wear whether the employer,
or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour… –> I need to shop.

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …
a past juicy enough that she’s looking forward to
re-telling it in her old age…. –> Must I? Really?

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …
one friend who always makes her laugh…and one who lets her cry… –> yup, yup. In one and in many.

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems,
and a recipe for a meal,
that will make her guests feel honored… –> Shoot! I only have 6's. Does this mean I have to buy an entirely new set?

A WOMEN SHOULD HAVE…
a feeling of control over her destiny…. –> Sometimes.

…and

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to fall in love without losing herself… –> Always had problems with this. Funny, huh?

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to quit a job, –> done this
break up with a lover, –> done this as well (badly all times)
and confront a friend without;
ruining the friendship… –> done this with better results than the previous 'should'

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
when to try harder…and WHEN TO WALK AWAY… –> I think I understand this and can do this a lot better now.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
that she can’t change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents.. –> I've accepted that I will always be short and slightly hippy (as in hips not the 60's movement), but the parents thing I realized a bit late in life.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
that her childhood may not have been perfect…but its over… –> no, no, no. I want to be forever young.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
what she would and wouldn’t do for love or more… –> Ok, this is hard.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to live alone…even if she doesn’t like it… –> This I can handle.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW..
whom she can trust, whom she can’t, –> Hmm, quite the opposite of Livi. I don't trust very easily.
and why she shouldn’t take it personally… –> Why not?

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
where to go..
be it to her best friend’s kitchen table…
or a charming inn in the woods…
when her soul needs soothing… –> Ok, I need to work on this one.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.. .
what she can and can’t accomplish in a day…
a month…and a year… –> Does any woman really ever figure this out? I mean, seriously.

Last Quiz for the Day...

You Are Cute-Sexy!

You are definitely attractive, and you have an interesting mix of sexiness and cuteness. You are both hot and quirky. Gorgeous and silly. Charming and natural. You are not so in-your-face sexy that you're unapproachable. You tone things down a bit. More than anything else, you are real and genuine. And that makes you truly captivating.

Are You Cute or Sexy?

This is just too funny to say anything beyond it is too funny!

Meow? OK, Catwoman Then.

You Are: 40% Dog, 60% Cat

You and cats have a lot in common. You're both smart and in charge - with a good amount of attitude. However, you do have a very playful side that occasionally comes out!

Are You More Cat or Dog?

And I detest cats!! Hmm...I wonder. Affie would love this quiz.

Thought I'd Give it a Try...

Your Workspace Says You Work Best With Others

You are generally fairly organized, but you have occasional slip ups. You find keeping organized challenging. You tend to work at your own pace. If this means things don't You feel like you neglect your family and friends when you're working. You may work a bit too much. Rules don't allow me to have much of anything on my desk right now so I thought I would take this quiz with my former work space in mind. Ok results. I am not too sure about the last part though. You are still trying to figure out your ideal career. You could quit your current job on any given day. At work, you tend to be an extrovert. You enjoy working with other people and drawing people into your work space.

What Does Your Work Space Say About You?

Blast From the Past?

You Were the Slacker Kid

High school was a place you showed up occasionally, but you didn't really leave a mark. You hated rules, authority, and structure. In fact, you still do.

Who Were You In High School?

This quiz made me think about high school. To be honest, it wasn't the best chunk of time for me, academically speaking. But I did make my best friends in high school. Thinking about this period, (X) number of years ago now, it is amazing who I've turned out to be. I am actually quite proud. I am not exactly the person I thought I would be, but in a lot of ways I think I am better. So, snaps!!

Fool No More

I brought the car to work yesterday so I decided to wait the couple of hours it would take after shift for the bank to open so I could finally complete my salary loan transaction. I entered the branch, tired from the whole work day but armed with a copy of my receipt indicating that I had paid for most of my loan. I still had a tiny bit left to pay off and since it was 5 figures I thought I would chop it up into two or three just to make it lighter to pay, generally-speaking. As I spoke with the teller though, she started telling me about all that I would need to do to be able to pay that last bit in parts. Plus, she told me that there would be even more interest added to those payments because we were chopping it up further. I decided then and there to pay the whole thing off and to just really scrimp until the next pay period. This way, I would be loan-free.

So, now I am loan-free, nearly broke, but feeling lighter with THAT off my shoulders. It was funny that that foolish decision was brought to a close on April Fool's Day. I also realized, after paying everything off, that had I lengthened the payment, it would be like getting a small part of the brick from that major loan and using it to hammer myself. Fool again if ever, but fool no more.

I am free of that! I feel good! One down, some more to go. It's a start, at least.