Thursday, April 9, 2009

A Little Bubble

Mommy guilt has plagued me since the birth of my first child. Anyone who's ever had more than a 5-minute chat with me about work and my kids knows this. But I have managed to get it under control quite a bit, especially since leaving my last job. I think it was the month off that I got to spend with my kids that left me feeling less guilty about the time I had taken away from them for work. Lately though, I've been feeling the guilt start to heat up again, creating little bubbles as if soup coming to a boil. I am trying to place where the source of the heat is coming from. I haven't found it. I am not dissatisfied with my job, not unhappy, and stress-wise, not as stressed as I had been in my previous job. So this recurring feeling really puzzles me. I know though, no matter what the situation, I will always have that niggling feeling in the pit of my stomach that ends with a whispered prayer of hope that my kids will, someday, understand the hours away and the work.

Anyway, whether or not I find the source of these bubbles remains to be seen. I am hoping it is not yet another hidden lesson I am supposed to learn. Sending out positive vibes to the Universe here.


ceemee said...

I know how you feel. I feel guilty leaving my daughter for work in the morning, especially when she cries and looks so sad. I also feel guilty not being able to be there to teach her personally, so I guess there's no one to blame when she learns corny and "jologs" stuff by being around helpers.

vicki said...

Ceemee, *sigh. We do what we must and hope our kids understand, I suppose.

TryingtoWake said...

"niggling"? :)