Alone Again(?) or At Last (?)

The big move was 2 days ago. My husband, kids, and I are now officially on our own, literally. The house feels strange. It feels quiet and calm, which it hasn't been for a while. And, at the same time, it feels empty. I'm surprised considering this was something I've been wanting for so long. Now that it is here, it feels different than what I expected. I don't think what I am feeling now is necessarily a bad thing. After all, if you spend a significant amount of time with people you love, you are bound to feel some emptiness when they go, regardless of whether you wanted them to go or not. It just feels strange. I don't have regrets. On that topic, I mostly have sadness at the manner from which the departure came. But there is no time to dwell on sadness, I suppose. I am admittedly a bit intimidated by the vastness of the independence we now have. There is a lot of room now but none for excuses. Now, the canvas really is blank and ready for a painting to be created. And now, full focus has to go into making that creation beautiful, or at least something real, and made out of love. This part is the exciting and scary part. I am praying the transition is into a new, better, real family life.

Role Reversal

Do you ever feel like sometimes you are the Parent and your Parent(s) the child/children? I seem to be feeling that a lot these past few months. It's led me to think deeply if what I believe and stand by make sense or if I am being an unreasonable, narrow-minded person.
I was discussing this topic with Livi the other day and I was telling her how my being a parent now sheds so much light on the lives and decisions of my parents- both in the positive and negative sense.

For the Positives:
1. I understand more than ever how you can love another person (or persons, if you have more than 1 kid as I do) 1000% more than anything else in the world, including your own parents.
2. I understand what my parents meant when they used the words sacrifice and parenthood in the same sentence.
3. I now know where the unlimited, never-ending worry from my parent's came from. It's like you want to take on all the bad things in the world just to, at the very least, divert attention from your kids, so that they may go on with their lives worry-free and undetected.
4. There are so many other realizations that I can't name them all.

For the Negatives (I speak only for myself):
1. I wonder how one can ever think of oneself more than their child.
2. I wonder how one could ever cause their child hurt.
3. I wonder how one could ever make their child feel like, in the end, they are JUST a child.

I don't know how to reconcile the negatives and the positives when they involve the same set of people. It makes sense and is contradictory at the same time. I wonder if anyone else feels this way at all or ever. Or am I being a bad child for even thinking such things. I'm back to questioning whether I make sense or if everyone else just sees it all better and more correct than I do. Will I ever get the answers?

April Fool's Day

This is one day in the year that I think should be done away with as far as "events" go. I mean, perhaps I really am just a bore but in my mind who would want tricks played on them? This seems to me the most idiotic thing a person could desire. Admittedly, I probably have a higher than normal aversion for it seeing as I have always been allergic to any and all forms of humiliation. Tricks fall under possible humiliation after all. I have yet to meet someone who can shed some positive light on this day.
On a more personal note, this day was a VERY bad day for me last year. One I am not likely to forget for some time. I won't bore anyone with the gory details. Suffice it to say, it just added to my conviction that April Fool's Day is the most useless event ever created.
Before I insult anyone, I refer only to the occassion that is 'April Fool's Day' and not the date, April 1.

Happy Anniversary!

Happy Anniversary to us! We've been through a lot of a relatively young couple and still we are together. Here's to staying that way! Cheers!

(Image found here.)

Anniversary

We're nearing our 3rd year anniversary. I wonder what the plan will be for that day. We will have been married for 3 years and together as a couple a grand total of 9 years! It seems like yesterday when we met and got together. *sigh

Frustrations

Ok, I am officially stressed and frustrated. Why does everything cost so much? And these are basic things at that! My daughter needs vaccines to be better equipped against diseases. I see this as a basic human need and thus it should be easier to obtain. But vaccines are sooooo expensive! I don't even know why this is so. In other countries, vaccines are free. Why aren't they free here? Another thing- food. This is beginning to be priced as a "luxury good". Imaging the cost of meat, fish, even vegetables is so high now it's no wonder there are strikes for increasing the minimum wage. At this rate, the average person will have to create a kangkong pond in their garden to be assured of some form of sustenance. It's ridiculous. I can go on and on but I think i'll just stop here. I am so frustrated!

Near Valentine's Day

It's near the day of hearts and anyone who knows me knows that this is one of my mandatory 4 days in a year for celebration and gifts. I know, I know. A lot of people find this day so commercialized and consider it a money-making day for establishments more than anything else. Frankly, I don't care. I really believe I have a hopeless romantic hidden somewhere deep inside of me and that hopeless romantic looooves expressions of love and romance. And so I am hoping my hubby does something for me. It really doesn't have to be expensive or extravagant. It could be the simplest thing just to be romantic. Let's keep our fingers crossed!!

(By the way, the picture beside looked like how I want my hubby to be on Valentine's.)