Thursday, October 30, 2008

Irritation Again

I was just commenting to some of my friends in the office that this week has been soooooo long. I've been feeling really exhausted lately, over the past few days to be exact. But the exhaustion isn't a physical one in the sense that I don't feel like I'm ready to collapse. It's more a fatigue like I am floating through the day, hanging on to a vine here and there, just to get to the end of the day. What does that mean?
It's no secret that I haven't been too happy work-wise for the past couple of months. But, as the saying goes, you can't have it all. And there are just some things you have to suck your gut over and do because, well, that's life. No matter how much it grates and no matter how many chalkboards with nails running over you try to avoid, you will encounter things and situations you don't like. So I've been trying to make the most out of the situation by focusing on the things I find are positive. Admittedly, I am not very successful with this at times. But I do think I am getting better. For someone who has every single emotion plastered on her face the moment it's processed by the brain, I think I've been relatively calm lately. Until today.
I wouldn't call myself a perfectionist necessarily but I don't like to do things half-baked, regardless of whether I like or dislike the project. So it goes totally against the grain when there is even a whiff of dissatisfaction over my performance. And it makes it 100% (multiplied to the nth degree) more difficult to do something you don't really like doing and to do it well. I've been fighting off the feeling of being unappreciated because, let's face it, you can't expect a pat on the back all the time. You can't even expect it a lot. Plus, my brain knows more and knows that it isn't about not being appreciated. But my emotions are stubbornly unwilling to follow my brain lately and it's frankly wearing me out. It leaves me with dangerously low reserves to do what I have to do everyday. AAAAHHH! I am whining again. And I don't even know if this post makes sense. I am sure it's going to read like a sensesless ramble. Maybe I'm the drama queen Am loves to roll her eyes over and avoid. AAAAHHH!!!


6 comments:

dreamwalker said...

Let's say goosfraba together!

dreamwalker said...

Oooh - try listening to Metallica's S&M album, it will help calm you down.

**meg** said...

Hey, if you need to rant and ramble, by all means, do so...Not everything in our life is perfect, ergo we have blogs. =)

Nonetheless, I kind of understand where you're coming from. Encouragement and motivation is scarce atop the leadership leader. I guess that's why most people in higher management are big jolly people you'd normally associate with Santa, or quite the contrary, thin, scraggly Scrooges. Either way, because it works for them, they tend to be happy where they are, without asking for appreciation...

Baby Girl Names said...

mettalica help to calm down?:)) u kidding?

Mai da Paypay said...

look at the bright side vicks, at least we still have our jobs amidst the global economic turmoil :-)

did you get my email?

vicki said...

Numi, I prefer Sarah to calm down to be honest. hehe.
Meg, what does that mean? I have to be Santa or Scrooge? Doesn't bode well...
baby girl names, hehehehehe.
mai, i feel you. and I have to check re: the email.