Tuesday, October 14, 2008

A Woman of Substance

I was looking through Facebook admiring all my beautiful friends and I couldn't help but look in the mirror, literally. Again I was struck by the changes in me, physically speaking. It didn't help that I was looking at old photo albums (around 7-8 years old) over the weekend with my husband and a friend, when his friend said "that's you?" to me, in a surprised and somewhat shocked tone. I don't really think I look THAT much older, but I know I do look like I've aged a bit. This shouldn't be surprising considering that it is natural for people to age. But have I aged well, or gracefully, as the saying goes?
I do not know. Again, I do not know.
I am vain but not to the point that I would sink into an unfathomable depression over how I look. I've discovered recently that the thing that worries me more than the wrinkles and age spots, sagging skin, and added poundage, is whether I have lived all these years (so far) with a purpose. I've discovered, now that I have kids, that I would not want them to look at my life and say "what a waste" or "she missed that, didn't she?". And so I'm now struggling over the assessment of my physical features, the strength of my character, and the importance of (in the greater scheme of things) my accomplishments. I have to say, the latter assessments are sooooooo much harder than the first.
I want to be a beautiful woman as I grow older. Even a great woman, if I can manage it. But I also want to be a woman of great substance.
I wish my brain would just stop and enjoy the simple things every once in a while.


Ree said...

I don't think your kids will look back on your life and think it's a waste. I truly believe that raising children is an accomplishment, and the most important one. I don't think any degree, position, or career can even compare.

For example, my mom never finished medical school because she married my dad with intentions to continue studying after they moved to the States. Four children later it was too late and too difficult to continue with her dream of becoming a doctor. Although she may occasionally feel the pangs of regret for her lost dream, we NEVER looked at her and thought "what a waste." She is a woman of great substance in my eyes.

If your kids grow up in a loving home and you nurture them and love them the best way you know how, they will NEVER think "you missed it.."

And they will ALWAYS think you're beautiful.

vicki said...

Awwww, these are such nice words! Made me tear up actually. I guess I have to really internalize. I can't get over how many issues I have and how they all surfaced when I became a wife and mom. As if those roles weren't hard enough! hehehe.