Happy Birthday Hunny!

HAPPY 30TH BIRTHDAY HUNNY!!!

It's my husband's 30th birthday today. Wow. I met him when he was 21! It's funny how fast time flies. And amazing how we've been able to spend so many years together, despite all the trials and challenges. I hope that he spends some time reflecting on the next decade of his life and how he can do and be a better person on the whole. I know he will come to his own realizations and I know that these will have meaning.
On a different note, I ended up giving him an overnight bag. A really nice one that fit my budget. I'll post a picture of the bag soon. Hopefully, we'll have a chance to use it and go out of town sometime this year. I think it would be great for us to have some alone time together as well. But that's a different topic altogether.
So, Happy Birthday again Hunny! Kisses!
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Gift Ideas

Now that my birthday has come and gone, it's time to focus on my hubby's birthday. I am a lover of gifts so I usually want to give people really good gifts as well. Unfortunately, my budget is minuscule this year. Which is depressing. I did get some great ideas from my friend, Jo, who lives in the States. This one I really liked. It's apparently one of Oprah's favorite things this year. It retails at $385 which is about 17k in pesos. Not bad for a good watch but still way out of my budget. If I did have the budget though I would definitely get this for him, even if he doesn't like wearing watches in general, because I think it would look great on him.
For anyone interested in ToyWatch, you can check out the other styles offered here.

My Birthday

Ok, this birthday wasn't so bad. But I have to admit, I was a bit unsure as to how it was going to turn out a few nights ago. Let me explain.

At around 7 in the evening of the 29th, my hubby texted me to tell me he was going out with friends to watch a gig. Now, I knew there was such a gig because it was mentioned on more than one occassion prior to yesterday. See, my husband likes to do things like this- upset me before a surprise. So I tried to keep my temper in check and tried to think that maybe this insensitive plan was just a ploy. Lo and behold, when I got home the house was empty and neither of my yaya's had seen my husband. By this time, my efforts to stifle my irritation were becoming futile. So, to calm myself I took a long shower, played with my daughter for about an hour, put her to sleep, and then settled in to watch some brainless TV. By 11:45 I was just too irritated and depressed to stay awake. So I decided to go to sleep, still fighting the urge to send a really nasty text about how wive's birthdays should be sacred. About 5 minutes later, I see an orange glow from the corner of my very bad, near-sighted eyes. Yes, it was my hubby. And my mother-in-law, sisters-in-law, and nieces-in-law. With a lit birthday cake. HAHAHAHAHA!! The joke was on me. And it was a good thing that I wasn't too pissed to enjoy the surprise.
After that, I got some gifts. A bottle of scented beads with my favorite scent (lavender) which you could put in a pouch and hang or place anywhere, from my mother-in-law, and a fancy throw pillow from my hubby. His reason: he wanted something I could use that wasn't clothes. I found that sweet since a lot of our down time recently has been spent in bed, watching DVD's. Plus, he knows I get migraines often so a comfy pillow (and it is really comfy!) was definitely a help.
The next day, I went on birthday leave and he went on leave as well so we could do some things together. Simple people that we are, we just ate in the mall and went to the cinema. We watched Indiana Jones! You have to understand the source of my joy. I am a huge Spielberg fan so this was an ideal movie for me. After that we had some friends over for drinks. Nothing big or fancy. I was happy. Summary for this year's birthday: All in all, it was a good day.

Expectations

Expectations can be a bitch. And no matter how hard you try not to expect, you always end up expecting nevertheless.

I don't really know what I was expecting for Mother's Day but I know I was expecting something. And I know I was somewhat disappointed with what happened on that day.

First off, my hubby went out of town the night before for a friend's birthday. Because of mix-ups and misunderstandings, I got left behind. I guess after the initial wave of disappointment, I wasn't too upset at the prospect of some 'me' time at home. But then he got home late the next day. He was supposed to be back by lunch time. This would have been ok. We would have had the afternoon to do some things together. However, he got home at 6pm leaving no time to do anything normal. Meaning, for the leftover time of the day, we would have had to go to dinner or a bar and that was a bit out of budget. Plus, because the trip back was so long and bumpy, he was exhausted when he got home. So exhausted in fact that he was literally falling asleep on the couch the first hour he was back. And so what I got was a breathless "Happy Mother's Day" when he arrived, and a whispered "Happy Mother's Day" before he drifted off to sleep.

On a positive note though, my nieces-in-law made a special mom's day dinner and my son gave me a tiny flower which he picked from one of the plants in our garden. Thank goodness for simple pleasures....and food.

So, I am making a promise to myself not to expect anything for my birthday so I don't end up getting disappointed if i don't get what I want. Wish me luck!!

Mother's Day Musing

I was thinking about Mother's Day a few days ago. I was taken back to some questions I posed in my first post. I still wonder what makes a good mom. As the day for moms approaches, I can't help but ask myself if I've been a good mom so far. Now, I know this is not something one measures in days or weeks or months but I took stock of the past 6 months anyway, just to see if I was doing at least some things right.

And the answer is.......I have no bloody idea. I do know though that I feel like a good mom for the reasons below:

I know I love my kids the best way I can, every minute I am with them and every minute I am not. I can't imagine a world where my kids are not in it or a thought that isn't somehow connected to them. I worry constantly about their health, development, and happiness and about how they are feeling when I can't hold them, or play with them, or just be with them. I wish so hard for more hours in a day just so I have more time to spend with them. I take pride in their milestones, no matter how inconsequential they may seem to many. I show them off every chance I get. And I work everyday to make sure that I can give them the best that I can manage. And when that isn't enough, I can swallow the worst bile in the world to get them more. I would walk through hell and back if they needed me to.

This makes me feel like a good mom, at least. I hope I am right.

Alone Again(?) or At Last (?)

The big move was 2 days ago. My husband, kids, and I are now officially on our own, literally. The house feels strange. It feels quiet and calm, which it hasn't been for a while. And, at the same time, it feels empty. I'm surprised considering this was something I've been wanting for so long. Now that it is here, it feels different than what I expected. I don't think what I am feeling now is necessarily a bad thing. After all, if you spend a significant amount of time with people you love, you are bound to feel some emptiness when they go, regardless of whether you wanted them to go or not. It just feels strange. I don't have regrets. On that topic, I mostly have sadness at the manner from which the departure came. But there is no time to dwell on sadness, I suppose. I am admittedly a bit intimidated by the vastness of the independence we now have. There is a lot of room now but none for excuses. Now, the canvas really is blank and ready for a painting to be created. And now, full focus has to go into making that creation beautiful, or at least something real, and made out of love. This part is the exciting and scary part. I am praying the transition is into a new, better, real family life.

Role Reversal

Do you ever feel like sometimes you are the Parent and your Parent(s) the child/children? I seem to be feeling that a lot these past few months. It's led me to think deeply if what I believe and stand by make sense or if I am being an unreasonable, narrow-minded person.
I was discussing this topic with Livi the other day and I was telling her how my being a parent now sheds so much light on the lives and decisions of my parents- both in the positive and negative sense.

For the Positives:
1. I understand more than ever how you can love another person (or persons, if you have more than 1 kid as I do) 1000% more than anything else in the world, including your own parents.
2. I understand what my parents meant when they used the words sacrifice and parenthood in the same sentence.
3. I now know where the unlimited, never-ending worry from my parent's came from. It's like you want to take on all the bad things in the world just to, at the very least, divert attention from your kids, so that they may go on with their lives worry-free and undetected.
4. There are so many other realizations that I can't name them all.

For the Negatives (I speak only for myself):
1. I wonder how one can ever think of oneself more than their child.
2. I wonder how one could ever cause their child hurt.
3. I wonder how one could ever make their child feel like, in the end, they are JUST a child.

I don't know how to reconcile the negatives and the positives when they involve the same set of people. It makes sense and is contradictory at the same time. I wonder if anyone else feels this way at all or ever. Or am I being a bad child for even thinking such things. I'm back to questioning whether I make sense or if everyone else just sees it all better and more correct than I do. Will I ever get the answers?