Monday, January 26, 2009

Alone

It's funny how little things can remind you both of who is there for you and who isn't. I've been trying my best not to get bothered by details that I have no control over but I can't help but feel that my friends and loved ones should at least think of me in the same general level as I think of them. After all, relationships are two-way right? You get what you give, right?
Maybe it's the narcissist in me again feeling left-out and not very counted. I don't like this feeling at all and I'm thinking that perhaps the best way is to limit the number of people whom I consider important, to limit them according to the depth of our relationship, and to only be bothered by things said and done by the people in this group. But wouldn't that be making my world so, so small?
Sigh. I think I just care too much what other people think or say. I don't want to be not counted, not considered, unimportant. In reality though, aren't we really alone anyway so why should it matter?

4 comments:

karla said...

first of all, here's a big *bear hug* from me to you.

i convinced myself a long time ago that at the end of the day, it's not that i'm "alone" but that the only person i can truly and completely count on is myself. i had long given up trusting other people more than i trusted myself. i learned to automatically scratch off people who are not only detrimental to my personal growth (not to mention sanity), but also those who don't benefit me at all.

this may seem selfish and yes, i once thought that i was making my world so, so small, but then i realized that it's not that case at all. by eliminating the negativity, i make my world bigger and more accessible to positivity. most importantly, i'm not only making it bigger for better people to come along, but i'm also making it bigger for myself, so there's always room for MY personal growth.

you are loved beyond words, that i'm 100% sure of, vicki. it's just a matter of being able to eliminate those who don't give a fuck, without any qualms whatsoever, simply because you deserve the best and only the best :) mwah!

PS i miss your cupcakes so much :(

vicki said...

Awww, thanks Karla. Those were very insightful and touching words. I guess I know what you are saying on a rational level, but the emotional part is having a hard time catching up. Anyway, thanks for the love. And I wish I could send you some cupcakes. Maybe if you'll be back for Christmas..?

Ree said...

Everybody wants to be counted! But truthfully, I think you need to love and value yourself more. I don't think we can ever live ALONE but your own self-worth will lower your dependence on the consideration of others. We need other people to survive and live, but we shouldn't base our own worthiness and happiness on what they think.

Geez, I sound like a self-help book. lol!

Hey, if that doesn't work, just have a cuddle with your babies...they will always make you feel important!

vicki said...

You're right about the cuddles Ree! And don't worry about sounding like a self-help book. I seem to be developing a liking for them. hehehehe. I think I am beginning to sound seriously disturbed though.