Monday, January 19, 2009

I am not Half and Half

You know how some people really like half and half (for those who don't know, this is half-milk and half-cream usually) with their Starbucks or Seattle's Best coffee? I'm not one of them. See, I like whole cream or whole milk. I think half of one and the other is odd- somehow incomplete even if they make one whole liquid. I find myself thinking the same way about myself. I can't be half something and half the other. I think this is where my problem with sugarcoating and being not-so-transparent lies. I also know that I cannot have friendships or relationships or connections, however you want to call it, where only the parts of me that fit what is wanted or needed, is accepted. It makes me feel unimportant and unappreciated because, for me, it seems like I am not wanted for every part of me, thus, who I am as a person, and only wanted for those things that are the current focus. Even those traits lose their value because they can be changed and exchanged depending on the need and the mood. It is fascinating to me how others can treat people like half and half, and even more fascinating how others are comfortable receiving this treatment. I know I would be stuck seriously questioning my worth to the other person, if it were me. An observation I thought was worth pondering.


anya said...

Oh - but I think I can count on the fingers of just one hand the number of people who accept all of me.

Sometimes, to not reveal myself is kindness, not necessarily dishonesty. All of me is pretty scary. :-)

vicki said...

I guess I can count about that many as well. I would like for certain people to be part of that count of course but I am not sure. And maybe all of me is scary too...but I prefer to think I'm a trip. hehehe.

anya said...

... says everyone who is really scary. Hahaha.