Wednesday, November 26, 2008

More Parenting Tips

Most of my friends know that I am on a never-ending quest for the most applicable techniques for my growing cuties. I am certainly no expert so I utilize all the sources at my fingertips to get all the help possible. Here are some new ones that I thought were worth a try:

For disciplining: Instead of threatening (which can soo easily happen, especially after a long, hard day, and when your kids are especially active), you can:

You want your child to:Instead of this: Say this: Which is better because:
Go to bed and stay there"If you get out of bed one more time, I'll scream.""After I put you to bed, I expect you to stay there."The expectation for the behavior is clear and unemotional.
Eat her peas and carrots"You're going to sit at the table until you finish your peas.""Remember — we won't have a snack before bed."It reminds her that the kitchen's closed, but she can still choose whether or not to eat.
Brush her teeth"No bedtime story if you don't brush your teeth.""It's time for bed. What do you do first to get ready?"It lets her know it's time for her bedtime routine without being punitive.
Behave in the grocery store"Stop running now or no TV when we get home.""Can you help me find the cereal you like?"It distracts from the negative behavior and offers a positive alternative.
Ask without whining"If you whine once more, I'll take your sticker book away.""I'd like to listen, but I can only understand your normal voice."It lets her know you're interested in what she's saying, but won't accept the tone.
Clean up her room"No dinner until your room is clean.""I'd like you to pick up your toys and put them in your toy chest. Do you want to do that before or after dinner?"It makes your expectations clear, but also gives your preschooler a choice.
Stop tattling"I'm not taking a tattletale to the playground.""It sounds like you're upset with your sister. You need to tell her why."It helps your preschooler understand that kids have to work it out together.
Be quiet in the car"If you scream one more time, we'll turn around and go home.""I'm having a hard time driving. I need to pull over until you're settled."It lets your child know the effect, limits, and consequences of her behavior.

I was so happy when I read this becuase I can confidently say that I have successfully done 50% in this table. Yippee! Snaps for moi everyone. Of course, these have only been tested on my son. My daughter just turned 1 so I am seeing if all my tactics with my young man will work with her.

Now, to avoid spoiling?

1. Set clear, simple limits
Think of it this way: If you leave no room for reinterpretation, you save yourself arguing later. Listen to the difference between "Oh okay, you can have a cookie..." (plenty of room for hope that a second one might be okay) and "You can have one cookie, but don't ask me for a second one. This is it."

2. Stick to those limits no matter what
One really means one. It's happened to all of us: We say no to more than one cookie, and then we start second-guessing ourselves. The trick here is to take a long-term view. Maybe a second cookie really would be okay just this once, but do you really want to be second-guessed every time you set a limit? That will happen if you change your story.

3. Never give in to begging
This one's simple — once you do, you've taught your child that begging works, right?

4. Make your child convince you
If she wants something you're not sure about, ask her to make a case for it. She wants to watch a favorite TV show? If she explains that all her homework is done and she's practiced piano, you can feel comfortable saying yes.

5. Require that chores get done before fun
You don't do your child any favors by being a softy. Studies show that being strict on chores and responsibilities helps him develop the ability to cope with frustration.

6. Don't be afraid to disappoint
We hate to see our kids sad, but the Stones said it best: You can't always get what you want. And studies show that learning to accept disappointment will give your child important coping skills to deal with emotional stress later in life.

7. Let them work for what they want
Many experts believe that kids become spoiled when things come too easily, encouraging them to take those things for granted. If your child wants a new bike, set up a reward system for good behavior and let him earn it bit by bit.

I love all the points on this list and I think they are totally do-able. The only one I see a problem with is number 3 and this is because it really is so hard to refuse when you have them looking at you with huge, pleading, puppy dog eyes accompanied by the most cajoling "please?" in the universe. Sigh. Yes, I see a problem with this point.

For those of you who have tried, or want to try these out, gimme some feedback!

(Tips courtesy of Baby Center)


Karla said...

These are brilliant! Sounds very familiar too, since my mom has a similar style. By the time the kids hit my age they will surely be thankful for how they were brought up and disciplined. I'm lucky I had a childhood sans those unwanted threats. I think I grew up pretty decent cos of it too. ;-)

vicki said...

Cool...I have proof now. Hehehehe! Thanks Karla! =)

Mai da Paypay said...

yaaaaayyy!!! handy-dandy parenting table! this will come in handy for pogiji and i when our future kiddos will roam this earth na

vicki said...

hahahahahaha! too funny! check out the recipes and teach me how to cut proportions. =)

yanka said...

Mealtimes used to be real battlegrounds for us. One time, when my son was about five, I shouted at him for not eating his veggies. He cried and cried and cried. I just kind of stared him down until he said, "I cannot eat! My food is too salty!"

So I asked, "You haven't even touched your food! How do you know it's salty?"

He said, "My food is FULL of my salty tears!"

Oh, the drama. :-) It served me right for being impatient.

vicki said...

Oh Yanka, your son sounds like a little you! Sooo funny! We all get impatient. I have to count to 10 a lot. I just hope I am counting to 10 more and being constructive more than not. =)

maria said...

great post! i hope a lot of mom will read this. these are very helpful.


ceemee said...

These are great tips! I will have to remember them or read them again when my daughter can understand. :-)