Friday, July 25, 2008

Fear

I just recently watched 'Under the Tuscan Sun' and I loved it. I don't think I would've liked it as much around 5 years or so ago. I don't know. Maybe I've just gotten old. Or maybe, after being on my own for a few years now, I just now truly understand my fears. There's quotes that sort of speak of some of my fears.

"Do you know the most surprising thing about divorce? It doesn't actually kill you. Like a bullet to the heart or a head-on car wreck. It should. When someone you've promised to cherish till death do you part says "I never loved you," it should kill you instantly. You shouldn't have to wake up day after day after that, trying to understand how in the world you didn't know. The light just never went on, you know. I must have known, of course, but I was too scared to see the truth. Then fear just makes you so stupid."

There are 2 things that stand out to me in this quote: the fear of not knowing (which is different from the unknown) and fear itself. I am not referring specifically to the topic in this quote but rather the effects of the topic. I think there is a lot to be said about not knowing. A lot of negative things. I never really believed in the saying 'Ignorance is bliss'. I really believe that the time of not knowing always runs out and then that 'bliss' just becomes an even bigger nightmare, something fueled by all that time believing in what wasn't. And then there is fear itself. Fear can do so many things to people. It can make the smartest people stupid, the loudest people silent, the most sensible people scatterbrained. Mostly I detest how fear just makes you stop and question yourself and everything you believe in and want. This is why I admire people who can move beyond fear, whether it be fear of a thing, a person, or a situation, to get to what they think they truly deserve. I want to be brave too and to have clarity. I don't think this is too much to ask but why is it so damn hard?

1 comment:

yanka said...

People used to say that to me, that they admired me for "moving beyond my fears". But I don't think I've ever moved beyond them, actually. I seem to be always IN them somehow.

I think of it as more of --- moving BECAUSE of my fears.